I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
