she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he was CRYING into my vagina
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
