no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
