Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
