just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
