When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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