I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So much rum. So many feels.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
