i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
