I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
