Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
