I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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