none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
