one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
