I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
