he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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