I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
