I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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