I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Randomize
