Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
