Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
