I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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