Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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