His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
