why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
