So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
