I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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