Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
