A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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