To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
