and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize