bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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