Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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