Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
