Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
