Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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