ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
