dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize