oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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