for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
