sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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