TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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