I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
