dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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