I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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