I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
