He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
