Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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