There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize