Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
