Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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