im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
