would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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