I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
