found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The uberlube is also flammable
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize