onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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