how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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