Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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