areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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