I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
