He kissed a someone with a penis
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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