My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
