ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
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