my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize