You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
