TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
