If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
