video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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