what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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