If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize