They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize