I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
