Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
