Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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