well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Two words: nipple clamps
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