her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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