Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
