Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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