She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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