I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
