i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
