if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize