Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
